Author : Sunita & Rashmi
As a child you must have worked with such puzzles where picture of a bird, animal or any such thing is broken into pieces of different shapes and the child is supposed to put them together to make the original picture. This is what a parent has to do with a child. Different qualities of a child are scattered or hidden behind the dust which gets deposited on the pieces and the parents are required to take care of each piece so that the shape of any piece does not change, gently remove the dust so that the hidden qualities are visible again and give the child a solid background in the form of a respectable, well to do family where these pieces can be placed and put together to make a meaningful holistic life. If the picture is that of a peacock and the parents try to change some of the parts to be the parts of a horse, nothing would come out in the end.
Parenting is one of the key roles. All of us would agree that the will of Creator or a superpower is involved in the birth of a child. That is why, the gender of the child and many other factors at the time of birth and during the lifetime are not in the hands of parents. The Creator chooses us to be the parents of his creation. Thus, the role of the parents is that of trustees.
Parenting is an opportunity to understand human life. If a parent is successful in preserving and enhancing the qualities of a child and at the same time gives the child a happy childhood, he or she is more likely to be a successful senior or leader also.
Let’s try and understand some basic principles of human life which help us in the role of a parent:
- According to many researches, human brain is full of recordings which take place during infancy, childhood and even before birth. Many of the times, our behaviour is a replay of these recordings. When a person feels concerned for the other or he or she feels irritated, the seeds of both responses lie in the brain in the form of recordings.
- To understand this, imagine that you are passing from a road and you see an accident. There are five more persons who were present there. Would the response of all six of you be the same since the situation is the same? Perhaps No. The response of each person would depend on the recordings in the subconscious mind and unconscious mind. The collection of these recordings affects the temperament of a person.
- Thus, the biggest gift which a parent can give to a child is to create such conditions where most of the recordings after his birth are positive. When the recordings are negative, imposing a positive norm through admonishment does not work.
- A child is like a magnifying glass. The natural affection of a parent makes a child loving and humble while repeated anger of a parent may lead to rebellion in the child. We should never express our frustration in the presence of a child. Repeated expression of frustration may develop a habit of getting frustrated in the child also.
- Children are the branches of a family tree, parents are like stem and grand parents are like roots. The role of grand parents should be to give inner strength to the children and make them channels to continue with moral standards and family’s respect.
- By nature, children have deeper faith in others and they respect nature also. We should preserve these positive qualities of children and be conscious for not expressing our insecurities to them. Beauty of Nature, sports, etc. are better sources of entertainment for them than T.V., computer games etc.
- Parents have a spiritual connection with the child. The child needs parents’, (especially mother’s) presence till a certain age to feel emotionally secure. Only those who are spiritually mature and are very affectionate can take care of the child in mother’s absence.
- To influence the child positively, spiritual connection should be maintained. When a child is angry, silence works. Anger is generally followed by self realization. However, if the parents admonish the child, anger continues.
- In some countries, small children are made to sleep away from parents. This weakens the spiritual bond between parents and children.
- Beating or punishment never helps in developing a positive habit in the child. Such things only lessen a child’s faith in his parents.
- Spiritual or religious practices and cultural traditions are good because they help in maintaining spiritual bond between parents and children and among siblings.
- Parenting needs understanding. Parents should encourage the child to express his dreams, fears, frustration and hopes in their presence. By listening to the child patiently they can understand him and gently help him in removing the dust (his anger, carelessness, etc.) which hides his qualities. But parents should continue having faith in the original picture given to them by the Creator.
- Giving feedback to the child is an art. Child’s mistakes should not be personalized by blaming him as “you are careless…”. We should talk about the act and its probable consequences.
- Once a child crosses the age of sixteen, he should start understanding his basic nature and make efforts to grow emotionally. After the age of 21 years, a person should take total responsibility of his or her life except expecting financial support for his higher education etc. Though parents have a lot of responsibility towards the child, perfect parenting is not possible.
Parenting can be made a blissful experience. This is a role which brings us very close to God. Truly speaking, our soul is the actual parent. If we are constantly in touch with our soul and we do not allow our ego, ambitions or fears to interfere in the parent-child relationship, the process of upbringing a child can be smooth. We are a mediator between a child and the God. The other side of the story is, the way parenting is done in a culture decides the future of a country. If the whole world understands the spiritual side of parenting, perhaps there would be lot of peace in the world.
Characteristics of a Successful and Effective Parent
- Emotional Stability (Win-Win Attitude)
- Spiritual Maturity
- Sattwic thoughts and feelings
- Conscious efforts to maintain one’s health and ability to work hard.
- Patience and listening
- Ability to observe and understand what the child does not speak
- Deep concern and love for the child
Try These for Making Parenting Smooth and Blissful
- Get up before the sunrise and pray for the happiness of whole family.
- Once a week, cook a special dish for the whole family or take the family on an entertainment trip.
- If you are getting ambitious for a project, check whether your ambitions are coming in the way of your relationships in the family.
- Whenever you feel angry, go outside or find some other way to heel yourself. Never express anger towards a child.
- When you are sick, take proper care of yourself. Don’t expect your children to serve you (Except when you come from the office) at least till you are in fifties or even sixties. Instead, give them some duties according to their areas of interest as they grow up.
- When children are young, tell them stories to give them moral strength.
- Be their friend and make them share their thoughts, their emotions, their ambitions, and their feelings, with you.
- While enjoying leisure time with your children, become a child yourself! It strengthens the bond between two of you.
- Spend some personal time with your child. Get involved in his project, teach him how to recite a poem, play with him, and give him hugs.
- When the child enters into teenage, convey your faith and a feeling of intimacy towards the child. Consciously raise his self-esteem.